


No good

by Butterfish



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Friendship, M/M, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-15
Updated: 2013-03-15
Packaged: 2017-12-05 09:36:19
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,057
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/721573
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Butterfish/pseuds/Butterfish
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What makes a good man is not what grade he gets in school - or so Alfred tries to make Arthur understand.</p>
            </blockquote>





	No good

“Where did Arthur go?”

Alfred glanced towards the teacher standing by the blackboard. She was looking across her students, all of them busy chatting about their latest test. Some were comparing their results, others were trying to make Ds look like Bs using a red felt tip to carefully split the letter in two. He was standing by the doorway with his fingertips covering a big, fat F on top of his test-paper. ‘Try harder,’ the teacher had written in curly letters below. He was trying very hard (to grasp when he would be in the need of Pythagoras theorem again, that is).

“Did anyone see him leave?”

Alfred folded the paper into a thick roll and slowly slapped his palm with it as he watched Arthur’s empty table. His jacket was covering his backpack and papers and pencils were spread all over his desk, but the guy himself was nowhere to be seen. He slowly popped the paper to his lips like a megaphone as he trumpeted: “I’ll go look for him, ma’am!”

She raised her hand at him as she excused him from class and Alfred quickly slipped out the door and jogged down the hallway. There was only one place the guy could be, he thought to himself and smacked the paper to everything he crossed on his way, “the toilet.”

The noise of running water was loud and Alfred recognised it even before he turned the corners and stopped by the two doors, one leading to the girls’ toilet and one to the boys’. He went through the blue door, the spurting from the tap becoming more harsh for every step he took, and soon a quiet chanting could be heard mixed with the falling drops.

“No good, no good, no good…”

Alfred peeked in behind the wall shadowing the sinks from the hallway and he quietly stared at Arthur. He was standing the farthest away with his hands shivering beneath the stream of boiling water slapping to his skin. His knuckles were bright red, his fingertips shaking and his veins looked like they were about to pop and spurt any moment now. But Arthur didn’t seem to notice any of this though his gaze was directed straight at the water. Instead he seemed to slip further and further into his own world as his lips kept moving, shaping the same words over and over again:

“No good, no good, no good…”

“Damn it, Arthur…” Alfred smacked his rolled paper to the sink, but the bang didn’t wake him up. He didn’t even notice his friend until Alfred’s arms were wrapped around his body from behind and the stronger guy was pulling him away from the sink. As if he had stiffened, Arthur’s hands just kept hanging horizontal in the air with water dripping from them and the skin throbbing in pain. He was holding his breath, but then he suddenly gasped in a big mouthful of air.

“I was-“

“I know…”

“-punishing myself.” Arthur licked his lips and shook his head. As Alfred let go of him, he had to lean back against the stall behind them not to fall and he merely watched as the tap was turned to cold and Alfred unwrapped a whole roll of toilet paper, dipping it into the water before wrapping them around his fingertips like gauze. With the cold tingling across his veins, he started feeling the pain spreading across his whole body and it made him shiver even more. “I got a B.”

Alfred poked his tongue to his cheek as he concentrated on covering up every inch of Arthur’s hands. He knew there were better methods - like dragging Arthur to the school’s nurse, but though his hands might have been healed Arthur’s mind would’ve taken damage and he was sure that the last thing the guy needed was two breakdowns in a day. “I got a F.”

“Well, that’s good, right?”

“It’s good enough for me but not for you?”

“You’ll manage, you’re smart Alfred. I just have other standards.” Arthur smiled a little but Alfred only glared at the tears running down his cheeks.

“You’re crying, man.”

“It hurts a lot.” Arthur took in a deep breath and clenched his hands to fists. He grimaced at the pain. “My hands, I mean. They hurt a lot.”

“Yeah, your hands,” Alfred sighed. He wiped Arthur’s cheeks off in his hands before wrapping his arms around him again. He was careful not to press him to his body, he just stood close enough for the guy to feel his warmth. “You’re not your grade, you know.”

“I don’t know what else I am,” Arthur mumbled and pressed his face to Alfred’s shirt. His arms were hanging dead by his sides by now.

“A friend?” Alfred suggested. “You’re a good artist, I’ve seen your sketchbook. And you’re always nice to others. And you’re smart-“

“Not smart enough for an A.”

“-and always there when I need you.” Alfred brushed a heavy hand down Arthur’s back. He traced the shape of his spine through the shirt. “You’re not your grade, Arthur.”

“Then why do I feel like I deserve to be punished?” Arthur asked but he soon smacked his lips and shook his head. His face was still hidden in Alfred’s shirt as he kept speaking: “No, never mind, don’t answer that. I don’t want to talk about this. I want to go home. No, to your place.”

“Want to sit watching me play video games?” Alfred suggested and dragged his hand back up Arthur’s back as he nodded. “Okay. Okay, we’ll do that. I’ll get your things.”

“What will you tell the teacher?”

“Something. Anything,” Alfred shrugged and stepped back from Arthur as he smiled at him. “I’ll fix it, wait here, okay?”

“Okay.” Arthur nodded and watched as Alfred slipped out of the toilets. He slowly sat down on the cold floor and glared towards the test-paper Alfred had dropped and forgotten about. He could read the first few questions from here and see the boxes below where Alfred was supposed to leave his answers. They were all blank. “You’re so dumb,” he mumbled and pushed his face to his knees as he rested. He glanced at his wrapped up hands and pressed them to his face as he started chuckling. “You’re an A.”


End file.
